Creative Anathema

I used to refer to my creativity as a "disease of the mind," because it seemed to act like an infection over which I had very little control. When ideas came to me, I'd record them in a fever pitch, heedless of of whether they made any sense. I defined myself as a writer by listening to the craziest voices in my head and putting their words to paper. My best work came from this time. Looking back on it, a lot of it shows my immaturity, my desire to shock and challenge, and my seriously fucked-up world perspective. I wouldn't have it any other way. My best work was done between 1996 and 2006; ten years of inspired insanity.

So what happened?

At some point, when I was in university, my disease of the mind was healed. Some salve soothed the infection that wracked my brain with feverish ideas. Maybe academia burned me out. Maybe I lost something during my studies, some essential component to my creative machine. Maybe I just got lazy. Whatever happened, I no longer find myself capable of even basic creative writing. It takes a lot just to get these blogs going.

This is primarily why Tesla's Legacy has stalled. Essentially, it's in the same state I left it three years ago, albeit a little differently organized. I've had some good ideas for it (specifically, I've come up with more plausible scenarios for how a relatively small but technologically-advanced army would initiate an invasion of North America) but I haven't found good ways to incorporate them into the material. Hell, I can't even figure out how to present Tesla's Legacy anymore. I definitely need to focus my creativity elsewhere for now; I think Tesla's Legacy is too much of an artifact from a person I no longer am for me to be able to salvage it right now. If I am to find myself again, I believe I will need to start fresh.

There's the problem again: I have no more fresh ideas.

Apologies for the whining post, folks. It is my blog, however, and this is how I feel.